Vanity

Thoughts While Enjoying A 2nd Cup of Coffee
July 5, 2016

It’s now the month of July, and as Paul Revere once said, “The tourists are coming! The tourists are coming!”

Wait – he didn’t say that. He said the British are coming. Oh well, I’m sure there are some British tourists among the lot.

Anyway, the tourists have arrived in our little corner of the universe along the coast of Maine. There seems to be a bumper crop of them this year because Acadia National Park – Maine’s ONLY National Park – is celebrating its 100^th anniversary, and folks want to come celebrate the occasion. Searsport is smack, dab on the way to Bar Harbor ME, and Acadia.

This summer I’ve had a fascination with vanity – vanity license plates, that is.

Beth once vowed she’d never have a vanity plate, but last year, she broke the vow, and got a vanity plate – VRKLMPT. I’m so glad she did. As I get older, I tend to forget things – like where the car is parked in a large parking lot. Looking for, and finding, a car with a license plate of VRKLMPT has saved me from getting into some else’s nice, newish looking, burgundy Ford Focus.

What is VRKLMPT? I’m glad you asked. It’s a shortened version of the Yiddish word, “verklempt”. That’s Yiddish for someone who is too emotional to speak… like a bride, who cannot give a speech at her wedding because she is so overcome with happiness and joy. Beth felt that way about her new car, so, voila, VRKLMPT. She had to drop the two “e’s” because Maine only lets you have 7 letters.

So this summer I have been “collecting” vanity plates as folks drive through town, or stop for a cup of coffee.

One of my first “snags” didn’t start with a glimpse at a license plate, but at the couple coming into the coffee shop. He was 6’3”, at least, maybe even 6’5” (I didn’t ask). She was 5’ nothing and my standard poodle dog probably outweighed her. They both looked in their 30’s and despite the stark difference in their statures, they were a very cute couple. When they left I noticed their car. It had a vanity plate of BAM BAM. I commented on it, and the young lady mentioned her car at home has a vanity plate of PEBBLES. A perfect set of plates for this twosome.

I’ve seen a few  “I” plates – I BIKE, I RUN, and a variation - EYE RUN. Last summer I saw I OWN IT. The car itself was nothing to write home to mother about, but I’m glad the driver takes pride in ownership. May it continue all his or her life.

I’ve also taken notice of license plate holders. Many are nondescript – names of car dealers or towns. Some have hearkened us to remember our veterans or the help the fight against cancer. There was one on a car from Tennessee, that said, “I’d Rather Be In Kansas”. I figured he’s either a displaced Kansas native, or life is really, really bad in Tennessee.

Last week, during the warmer weather,  I saw a convertible being driven by a nice looking young lady that had a plate that said, IM GOOD. In my younger, more dastardly,  teen age years, I might have shouted back, “Change it to IM HOT, sweetie”, but thankfully, I’m much older and wiser now.

The shortest vanity plate  I’ve seen was ME 2, and one of the most apropos was L8AGAIN. The car with this plate pulled up in front of the coffee shop, and a couple quickly jumped out… confirming their “assignments”. He was to dash across the street to the grocery store and get two packs of cigarettes, while she was to go inside the coffee shop and get two coffees to go – one dark roast, and one light roast, with cream only. It was obvious they were in a hurry, because, you guessed it, they were probably late again.

I also remember an intriguing plate from last summer – URMYNE. I figured there was another plate, from the same state, that probably read URMINE, and this person, having applied too late to get the original spelling, creatively replaced the “I”, with a “Y”, and went merrily driving along.

The prize this year, for the most creative vanity plate goes to the lady with ITRYMES. At first I didn’t quite get it, but someone told me it was probably a shortened version of IT RHYMES. “Correct” replied the lady driver, as she mixed cream and sugar into her coffee. I asked how she came to pick that vanity plate. She replied, “It’s about my name”, and after a pregnant pause, she continued, “my name is Jane McLain… and it rhymes”.

Very clever. So far she wins the prize….. but the summer is young.